Not a post about a trip

I try to make excuses, blame everyone and everything around me along with the weather for the weight that I've gained.  It can't possibly be my fault, it can't possibly be the things I'm choosing to do or not to do, what I choose to eat or not to eat.  It can't be the fact that I choose to sit and binge watch episodes of television shows on Netflix, it has to be the world, working against me and it doesn't want me to stay thin, healthy or happy with the way I look.  Little did I know, or want to believe in all actuality, was that it IS my fault.  It IS because of my decisions and it always will be.  I have hit a new record that I am so upset about that I can't do it anymore, yet ice cream still calls to me.

I have been thin after working hard only a few times in my life, but for the most part, or the part where genes and age didn't have anything to do with how it was, I've been a little overweight and unhappy about it.  I have videos, workout gear, clothes, shoes, headbands (that of course will motivate even the laziest of people to workout), and even a running band for my phone to go along with the bluetooth headphones.  I'm still overweight...and tired of it.  I think if I were to go through my closet of the things that I like to wear, I would pull out a few shirts and mostly socks.

I recently started going to a spin class with a friend and we're lifting weights and doing some cardio before as well as the other 3 days of the week.  We are bound and determined to get into the best shape we can before we take that cruise.  Oh yes, we are taking a cruise and I can't wait, but my weight needs to go away so I feel good about myself before I go anywhere.  Spanks can't help me out forever and sweating to death in the middle of the summer just because I want to wear a skirt is not on my list of fun things I want to do forever.

I have been walking Rajah for a few miles each day after the workouts if I don't have to run something to the school or take care of other things.  I've also been trying to get some of my color back.  I felt so good about the way I looked in Guam and when I see the pictures I get sad and wonder how it happened.  It happens because I tell myself I worked hard enough and I look good.  I think I can just eat a little bit and not have to work out.  Then I step on the scale and I'm back up 10 pounds.  I have come to the realization that I have to try constantly.  I have to do things that I don't feel like doing because telling myself they're too hard now just make it that much harder when I gain another 10 pounds.

So, hopefully when I share pictures of our summer cruise, I will be happy with the way they look and I won't try to joke and say that the camera adds 30 pounds or that the angle was horrible.  This wasn't meant to be a depressing post, more of an accountability post.  I want to be held accountable for my own weight, and stop blaming it on my surroundings.  I promise I'll post something great next time. Until then, have a great day! :)